Can.You.Read.My.Mind?

March 15, 2009

Fictional Diary POSTED AT 06:00 PM It makes me wonder when it all started. I never even realized that you were slipping away until you were too far away to reach. Are you sorry that you met me? And that you wasted your time waiting for me, being miserable while I was gone, when you could’ve been free of the ties and responsibilities that came with being with me? What happened first, falling out of love, or finding someone else to catch you? I may not be there, but I am not blind, nor am I born yesterday. You can insist and deny, but I just call it like I see it, babe and I see her in your eyes. Yup, we’re back to babe status again, aren’t we?   I wonder what happened to the boy who said he’d rather get hurt first before he let anything happen to me. To the boy who cried without shame at the thought of losing me. The boy who said “I’m here waiting for you, even if the future awaiting us is unlike today. My heart is tugging on the string that binds us.” Do you delight in my pain? It seems like it. Either that or you couldn’t care any less. It makes me feel so foolish that I believed it when they assured me that I don’t have to worry, I was the only girl for you. I have tried to give everything to you, and for a while it seemed like I was the only one you’ll ever need. They told me I made you become someone better, and they were right. I saw the progress, and I was proud, oh so proud of you. That isn’t the case now, is it? I am just a burden to you now, something that’s holding you back -- no longer an asset, no longer the bright spot to your everyday. What happened? I am not afraid of the truth. You can see yourself with her, if only she wasn’t attached, don’t you? I don’t blame you, you look good together, and you probably have much more in common with her than you’ll ever have with me. She was there for you the way I wasn’t, when I should have been. Do your knees get weak around her the way they did back then, when we first kissed? Did you get to carry her on your back? Does she take care of you better? I should be ashamed if she does, taking care of people is my job, and for you I worked twice as hard, pro-bono. I’ve been giving you the choice, whether you want to stay or go. You said you wanted to stay…but is it only because you can’t be with her? You say one thing, but the way you’re acting, you’re making me feel the complete opposite. I’ve had my fair share of (very) low moments, and I know all that doesn’t’ help me plead my case. For that I apologize. But you have to admit, you’ve had your shortcomings too. Just…please don’t pin all this on me. I’m not the only one at fault. You promised you’ll stay mine, no matter what happens, and I believed you. I don’t want the candy coating, give me the bitter pill. If you’re afraid of hurting me, don’t be. I’m stronger than you think. I can take it, I’m a big girl. “There is no anger. Just you and I and the truth.” Nope, no anger, I swear. Sadness, maybe, that forever for you ended so quickly. That I’d never get to give Lumpy a hug, nor get to taste your mom’s awesome cooking, or see your dad’s ghetto-ness. That the sleepovers will be no more, nor will we ever learn Spanish together like we talked about. That a lot of the promises we made back then will stay just that: wishes. Words. That I’ve gotten so used to your company that I’ll miss it when its gone. Oh don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to stay with me. I don’t even know if I can bear staying with you either, not when I know that she’s always in the back of your mind. I told you, I may be in love with you, but I’m not going to settle for second. It’s hard, hanging on to something that’s struggling to be freed. But I am keeping a tight grip until you tell me to let go. cast a spell?

March 9, 2009

LDR POSTED AT 08:34 AM We’ve always known that long distance relationships are tough. It gets easier these days, with the advancements in technology and whatnot, but even with the constant chats and voice calls, nothing still beats physical closeness. It’s difficult at first, while you try to get used to the setup of not seeing your significant other face to face. Once you get used to the routine, everything gets a little easier. For a while at least. Then, distance and time apart takes its toll. Patience stretches thin, and everyday it gets harder. Factor in unmatching schedules, busy work or school activities and the possibility of the other finding someone else while you aren’t there is enough to make one go crazy and it’ll make the distance all the more difficult to bear. Truth of the matter is, when someone wants to be with you, the fact that you’re already in a committed relationship wouldn’t matter to them if your partner is not anywhere near. It scares me, when I see an exceptionally sweet couple here (and I feel this pang of jealousy and admiration that two people could be so in love), and THEN find out that they’re both married to different persons. I personally have been asked quite a few times if I have a boyfriend. I said I do, and he’s back home. “Oh, that doesn’t count. I meant if you had a boyfriend, here.” is what they keep saying. It’s hard not to get paranoid with that knowledge. It’s so easy to say “we can make it through”, but really, there is no real assurance that you will come out of this as a unit. You might grow apart, you might find someone else, you might get a lot of misunderstandings that would inevitably lead to a break up. It’s sad, and cruel, but it’s the truth. I’ve learned that there are three things that can make your chance of survival strong. Communication, support, and faith. Communicate as often as possible. Even if you don’t get to talk, leave messages. That’s enough to let your partner know that you thought of him/her during the day. Unless you have a disability that prevents you from using a computer, there is no reason for you not to find a way to communicate. Offer support. Be each other’s strengths. Try and see things in a more positive light, that soon enough this ordeal would be over and that you two are tighter and stronger than ever. Believe me, it works wonders. Negativity really does weigh you down. Ultimately it all comes down to faith, in all senses of the word. Faith, as in, trust your other (even though sometimes its almost next to impossible) and be faithful. As for me, I’m gearing up for a huge leap of faith. If I’m wrong, there’s nobody else to blame but myself. If I’m right, then…well. I guess this relationship is worth fighting for after all. :) 1 were spellbound

July 24, 2008

Congratulations, PNLE June 2008 Passers! POSTED AT 04:37 PM At long last, the results for the Philippine Nursing Licensure Examination is out! The University of Santo Tomas College of Nursing emerges as the victorious top 2 school in the above 100 category, with a 98% passing rate and 28 exemplary students in the top 10. Congratulations to the BENCHERS (Girlie top 9 and Fred top 10) and my RLE 2 Section 4! 100 Percent! Forgive me, but this is a moment for school pride. :) cast a spell?

July 7, 2008

On Filipino Hospitality POSTED AT 02:04 PM So I went to file my IELTS application yesterday with Paolo. Of course, he had me waiting for at least an hour. He wouldn't be Paolo if he came on time. Thank goodness for errands; I had something to occupy my time with. Yeah. Anyway. We had to get passport sized photos and photocopy some documents. While doing that,  we were able to mingle with different people, and got to sample true Pinoy service with a smile. Or snarl. That really depends you know, on the kind of job they have and the kind of customers they serve. Situation 1: Xerox Lady in Copytrade P. Noval Pao: Pa-xerox po. (holds out his driver's license) Xerox Lady: Di pwede yan dito. (not even looking up from counting money) Powder dapat. P: May iba pa po bang nagseXerox dito? XL: (keeps on counting money) Wala. We found another photocopier a few doors down. Situation 2: British Council Council Staff: May I see your ID sir? Pao hands in his license and the photocopy. CS: Sir, do you have a clearer copy of your license? Pao: Oh no, I don't have any other copies. CS: Not to worry sir. We have a photocopy machine here. Would you like us to make a copy for you? Now compare and contrast. Hah. And they say Filipinos are the most hospitable of races. 1 were spellbound

June 26, 2008

Alumna POSTED AT 04:51 PM It is one in the afternoon and the sun is at its peak. It is hot. It's always hot these days. Down the stone pathway I walk, slowly enough to watch the people around me, but quickly enough so stragglers and those hurrying to classes would not get annoyed. It’s irritating you know, when you’re trying to get to class as quickly as you can and people on the sidewalks leading to the massive buildings walk so damn slowly. There’s the Lover’s Lane. You would think that the Fountain and the Arch would lose its charm as a subject for photography and paintings. You’d be surprised that with just a slight tilt of the head, a bend of the wrist, or a new position as you sit cross-legged on the ground, you can find a new perspective. The results are always surprising. Fresh. A large tarpaulin flaps in the wind, promising the imminent arrival of a new building. Another expanse of grassland will be gone soon, to be replaced by an edifice of cement and glass. Like we need another one of those. And here’s the watering hole. There are skirts, and slacks, and collared blouses and V-necked shirts and PE shorts bearing the seal of the IPEA. A group hurried along, each with a red Styro bowl with a plastic cover in hand. I shake my head. Fast food will be the death of the Philippine youth. The oldest and grayest of buildings loom closer. They shouldn’t have put an ATM machine here. It just didn’t mesh well with old stone gargoyles, wood flooring, marble and history. The rushing of water from that magnificent and obnoxious fountain grows louder, accented by peals of laughter, dance beats and sounds of breaktime. It fades away as I enter the most secluded area of the campus. There are white blurs. Some with stethoscopes in tow, walking in quick steps as though death was on their heels. Some are bright-eyed and shiny with excitement. And oil. I did say it was hot. Others dragged on, stoop-shouldered, carrying the weight of the world with them. A group of twelve shuffle through the entrance, led by a stern woman covered in a lab gown and a cloud of confidence and wisdom. I step back to let them pass. They glance up blankly for a brief second before proceeding to ignore me. They had duties to worry about. I am but an outsider looking in, no one to be bothered with. I am a survivor. But they don’t know that, do they? At the entrance, a hand stops me from stepping through. “Miss, san kayo?” asks trusty, old Mamang Guard. I smile, flashing the card I had hanging around my neck. “Alumni Office po.” -end- -- Heh. Stream-of-consciousness piece that I thought of during a long walk from España to Dapitan. Just trying to flex my writing muscles. ^o^; 5 were spellbound

June 21, 2008

Apparently, I'm Insane POSTED AT 10:53 AM You are The Moon Hope, expectation, Bright promises. The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window. The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition. What Tarot Card are You? Take the Test to Find Out. 2 were spellbound

June 21, 2008

Rediscovery POSTED AT 10:40 AM After how many months of slaving over books and letting the past summer vacation slip away while we sat through lectures, I initially thought that we needed a break. Badly. So we had a break and it was heaven...for the first few days. I mean, come on. Who doesn't love waking up without an alarm shaking off your stupor? But then it just got really, really boring. Even even with the DSL and piles of DVD series I have lying around, I get easily restless. I guess I'm just not used to being so dormant anymore, and I think I know a few people who share the same sentiments. But that's not the point. ANYWAY. So, when one gets bored, one gets creative and always finds something to occupy the time with, and I whiled mine away by reading books that are in no way related to Nursing. Instead of new clothes, I leave malls with a shopping bag from Power Books, Book Sale or Fully Booked. (Yes, yes there is no need to point out that I am a geekette and that the ebola virus in quarantine has a better social life than I do.) My most recent purchase is, as is obvious from my recent review, Cassandra Clare's debut novel. But no, this post is not about the book. I first encountered Cassandra Clare in Schnoogle.com as the author of one of my favorite fanfiction stories of all time, The Draco Trilogy. I had been a fan of hers from the very beginning, and I followed her work as religiously as I followed the the genuine HP series. So imagine my surprise and delight when I learned that she was working on a book that is all her own. I have a copy of that book in my hands now. I opened it, and couldn't stop reading until I finished it. It was a myriad of emotions after I finished it, mainly because it was one of the best reads I've had in a long time. But ultimately, after I finished reading and set it down, I felt insanely jealous. I was, or am, jealous of her talent, of the research and dedication she put into the book, of her name printed below the title of the novel that came organically from her. I am jealous of the fact that she was once just a Fanfiction writer, like I am (although, with a vast difference in skill), and now people are writing fanfiction on her novels. I am jealous that she gets to do what she loves to do for a living. From what I've read so far, her novel is not a far cry from her work on the internet, so I can safely say that she's not being forced to write something that she does not want to write. I am jealous of her, like I am jealous of Jessica Zafra. She's officially and professionally a writer, something that I really, trully want to be. I want to be that kind of writer, like her, and Rowling and Gaiman. The kind that stimulates the imaginations of many, the kind that people write fanfiction about and have debates on the internet for. I want to be the kind of writer that can make kids ignore the TV and pick up books again, can make boys who think girls have cooties read stories with a female protagonist just because the story is so kick-ass, and can make adults feel young again. I want to be like Shakespeare, whose works are so timeless that up until now, people are remaking it and modernizing it, but still keeping the original context. i want to be like Jane Austen, who probably invented the sub-genre of love-hate romance. I want to be like Tolkien, whose work is a mythology on its own. I wouldn't mind if I won't make it to Literary history, nor if none of my stories become a movie. I just want to write and be read and inspire. I just want to be a writer. God I just want to be a writer. ... Aaaand I think I just stole that last line from one of Angelo Suarez's poems. Whoops. cast a spell?

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Welcome, wanderer, to Fields of Elysion. You have stumbled across the journal of a seemingly normal yet demented writer slash future nurse. Feel free to browse around; you never know what you might find. This lovely layout was made by one of my newest online pals, alex, and it features my true anime love, Duo Maxwell.^.^ Don't forget to give his page a visit!
Live the Magic! >> chen

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Name: Chenyl Arrabelle
Profile:Name pronounced as she-nil, accent on the 2nd syllable. Libra. Thomasian. Otaku. Air elemental. Commonly referred to as Chen and mistaken for as a snob. Perpetually genki. Reader. Writer...wannabe. Spends hours on the net and in front of the TV. Dr. Love: Always the Doctor Never the Patient.
Loves: anything purple. Tazmanian Devil. Evanescence. Parokya ni Edgar. Dishwalla. Alicia Keys. My Chemical Romance. Panic! at the Disco. Green Day. Switchfoot. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Bamboo. Forty Foot Echo. Dashboard Confessionals. The Goo Goo Dolls. Incubus. Ryan Philippe. Johnny Depp. Daniel Vosovic. Sweets. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Clothes. Dangling earrings. Heeled shoes. Anime. Poetry. Literature. Movies. Music. Full House. All things kikay.
Hates: Cheesy pick-up lines. Conio-speak. Erratic english. Leeches. Roaches. Flat shoes. Mary Sue. Fakes.
Affiliates: The Ghorjus Society and The Benchwarmers

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Positive: The Star represents hopes and dreams and the optimism associated with realizing ones hearts desires. The Star is the initial spark of hope that arises from the dust when everything around us seems desolate and bleak. The Star is a renewal of faith in life and our Creator. It represents regeneration and renewal of all the good that life has to offer. The Star also represents the limitless possibilities that life has to offer, from our childish wishes to the high ideals we hold as adults. The Star is the guiding light we have been wishing on all of our lives in hopes of a better tomorrow. While similar to the motivation behind The Fool card, The Star differs in that we have hope beyond whatever our fears may bring. It represents a moment of peace, a reflection of light, or the wonderment of a child.

Negative: Reversed this card represents the loss of all hope, a pessimistic attitude, or succumbing to depression. It can also depict an overly rational point of view or one without any ideals. A minimalist or someone without motivation.

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